I'm lazy!!!

Hello..

I know that I've been not blogging for a long time..

I was hyper when something big came up..

but..

later after a few days..

It sort of died..lol

I will blog when I'm free..

Just keep popping in and maybe you guys would be lucky!!

Anyway..I noe that my friend Zen has been blogging so its not that bad rite??

I'll blog when I'm free k??

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School sucks as usual..

I heard from my tuition teacher today that me and a few dozen more prefects are going to see the headmistress on tuesday(Monday's is a holiday if you guys are still blur) to give a real good reason to why we weren't in school today for the national day celebration!!Come on..who would wanna go??Especially prefect since we're going to be the one doing all the work..the whole day!!

I'm not stupid la..

Now I have to think of a good reason to give her..

Haiz!!!

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Did anyone watch the olympic closing ceremony??My friends in school were all too tired after fasting for 30 hours(30 hours famine fast) that they all went home and sleep!!OMG!!This is a once in a lifetime thing you know??Anyway..I went to Shirley's house for dinner and we all watch IT together..its was fun,interesting and u know when people watch in a big group..its damn nice le..The chinese has really outdone themselves and gave a splendid show for all of us to see..Lets see how London handle the BIG pressure!!haha

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China's atlete did their country proud by topping the medal tally from the beginning to the end!!And I admire all the china atlete for their effort to make their country proud..(cept for lindan la) I'm not saying this because chong wei lost..I just don't think lindan is a good sportsman..Many would agree with me..I'm sure!!=)

I totally forgot bout national day this year..but I don't think I'm the only one..Olympic is more entertaining!!=) There was this one day..My friend and me were in the car and she just turn and ask me "why is there so many Malaysian flags around??" At 1st I was wondering the same thing till it suddenly dawn on me that our national day is very near and most of us has conveniently forgotten bout it!!

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I'm crapping d..better stop before I bore you guys to death..

Walle is a real great show and my niece is really super super cute!!will upload her photo soon..

curse this computer..

the bully

exams oh exams.

*big sigh of relieve*

I'm actually really glad I let all those out in that recent post :D I actually feel proud of myself on that. Anyway, since now I already let it all out (well mostly) I want to really really focus and study for the exams now. I just realised how much time I've wasted, like seriously. So yeah, I do need a lil prayer here. To think of how I let my life passed me by like that, I just feel so ever regretful, really. So now, I just wanna do my best to keep studying..and studying....until the end. Ah who cares whether I fail again for the trials or even SPM, as long as I know I put some effort and tried my best...right? right....

So anyway, I'm gonna cut down my online-ing too. which means, hopefully. hopefully. you won't see me posting another post after this one too soon. hmm. We'll see :)

blurgirl.

The walls wont hold me anymore.

The Walls Won't Hold Me Anymore

This is the point where I can't take it anymore. This is the point where I realise the beauty of blogging. This is the point where I'm overwhelmed, with so much feelings and troubles. The more I feel so troubled, the more I just want to keep my mouth shut. there's just so much...and I badly wish to forget about all these. I really do. And am waiting for the day, I can get over this...everything.

I wish I was heartless. i really do...I'm so ever frustrated. stupid STUPID me. Why did I get myself into this. Why did I say "You know I'm here for you as a friend" when she first broke up with him. Why.... He hated me before this. He said things that hurt me like shit. And then when he came to me, and said sorry I made you go through that road..I had to feel bad for what happened to him last year. I had to help him cos I really cared for him and I forgive him about everything. I told myself, I won't go far. I'm just gonna give him all I am and that's it. As much as I was willing to help him all I can, I was trying to keep my distance from him. but HOW was I to know, that he kept coming to me...and I got myself all tangled up in him.

And at that time when I felt the closure between us, my heart felt so light... I never felt so good and happy. It never been better...really. My heart felt so light, yet heavy. Felt so safe, yet so insecure. Felt so right yet so wrong. For all those good times..For the care I felt I was getting from him. It was so good. And the times when he asks me how am I, or what's wrong when he sees me looking quite down. Or telling me that he wants to see me.. How a message from him makes me smile differently..Or the calls I get from him late at night.. And those sweet memories he left for me. I should be thankful for that..I am. Thank you for the times you made me happier. And i'm missing it all. I miss you. I hoped that those moments could stay. but I know I shouldn't and maybe I should start accepting the facts.

these voices in my head kept warning me, that you'll never know that you might get hurt again and that..We're just not meant to be like how unmeant to be we were before. Wait no, if we were not meant to be before..means that wouldnt change right. yeah.. I know that. THAT'S the problem. I knew that. But I just wanted to feel this happiness without a care. and told myself I would be prepared for anything. sigh.. Somehow I think he thinks that I might be able to help him forget about her, but I'm not her. She's everything I'm not. and I can't be able to replace her...And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you enough...


And now he has been avoiding me for the couple of months. I knew he was. And I know that I was avoiding him too. Both avoiding each other, but I'm not quite sure why. But I think I know why. And the way he's avoiding me these few months just hurts me. I apologized for avoiding him anyway..And he said that he felt that he was avoiding me instead..But he doesn't know why..He doesn't wanna think about it because he got tonnes of things in his mind and needs to clear his mind. so I said, okay. Understood.. These few weeks I've been thinking about how am I suppose to tell him what I really feel deep down inside cos I cant take it and just had to let him know. but decided not to now. Cos his mind is filled with other things and this would make it harder for him. I'm not willing to make him feel worse in any way. And again I told him that if there's anything, you do know you can come to me if you want. omg. see what I mean... I just can't help but to help him in any way I can. cos I promised myself to always be there for him.

This is why sometimes I feel like I hate myself SO MUCH. I get myself into all these.. Nothing was his fault. My emotions that I feel everyday has nothing got to do with him. I just need to let it all out now so that maybe now when I let it out here I'll feel much better. And yeah I think I do. It's funny how he can make me do things I never thought I would do. Feel emotions that I never thought I would feel for him I never understood why I do until this day..for maybe 4 years I suppose.

I'm dying to leave all this behind. I will.

It's true. You're the best thing that happened to me.
I love you...

blurgirl.

The heaviest thing a person can carry is a grudge.

I haven't been logging for a few weeks now.Its not my fault that the computer is not usable and like what my dad say err..full of viruses..

I tried using my school computer(which is way faster than my computer at home) to blog but when I'm sitting in front of the computer I just could not think of anything that I wish to blog about..

My other blog is already emo enough and I don't wanna corrupt this one that I'm sharing with Zen..so yeah..I'm considerate..lol

Anyway,last Saturday,we(almost half the church) went to Szehui's house for a house warming kind of "makan".We thought of playing basketball after dinner but while we were eating,we saw the Olympic on tv,to be exact it was the swimming competition..so we(me,hannah and shirley) decided to each pick one to cheer for.

At first,we all cheered for Michael Phelps since he's the favourite and since its a well-known fact that the US always dominate the swimming competitions.Later,hannah starts cheering for a swimmer from Australia just because her name is Hannah.And later Hannah starts cheering for all the weird names in each heat and its fun to watch as those she choose always ends up last or second last..

The best one was when Hannah and Shirley decided to each pick one to battle against each other.Hannah choose an Australian-I think and Shirley pick one named Nikita(There really a swimmer named Nikita,I swear it)

Throughout the race,It was a 400 meter medley which means they(S and H) has along time to scream their lungs out to cheer.At one time H's was winning then later S 's took the lead..S was saying go Nikita go and suddenly H said:"come on *the swimmers name*,you can beat that dog!!"..and thats when we all crack and started laughing real hard..

And H let us on one of a biggest secret..she's actually the swimming coach of Michael Phelps and Stephanie Rice..Its her secret and she's telling us not to tell anyone else..I'm not telling I'm blogging..keep it a secret will ya??*wink*

Later we went and played a bit of basketball and we went back to continue watching Olympic.Then it was gymnastic and Shirley was attracted to those Germans wearing red shorts..saying that muscular guys wearing red shorts is very C-U-T-E..haha

And to clear things up..All I did was state that that one guy has chest hair..I don't fancy them ok??I'm just stating it thats all..please don't listen to Hannah or Matthew..thanks..


And finally..China is leading the medal standing with 8 gold medals,3 silver and 2 bronze..hooray!!Malaysia is not doing so good but thats no big surprise rite??Since when did Malaysia handle pressure real well??But Chong Wei did trash Ronald Susilo today 21-13 21-14..so err..We'll just see how well they're gonna be then..=)

Bye for now..wanna watch CSI..ciao..

the bully

I am..

I am strong
except when there's chocolate.


I may look tough
but i'm all woman.


I don't sweat
I perspire.


I am adventurous
or so I like to think.


I thrive on challenge
bring it on!


I am confident
most of the time.


I am intelligent
and not afraid to show it.


I am sexy
and proud of it.


I shine
from the sweat of my workout.


I am bold
this is my statement.


I am unique
there's no one else like me.


I'm not afraid
to show my softer side.


I believe
i can do what i set my mind to.


I have a purpose
to live my life to its fullest.


I am beautiful
from the inside out.



So...



Which of these sound true? hee... You tell me.

blurgirl.

Sweet Memory

Her Sweet Memory

and then she wonders..
if ever she can make it through.
through it all..
if she could just smile and laugh all the way..
without wanting to care.
but all she does..
is cry silently inside.
not knowing what to do anymore.
why does it seem so hard..
she asks herself.
is it just her?
just her, hurting herself.

and then.
she made up her mind..
she realizes.
the need to put some things aside.
keep her mouth shut...
and see what's more important.
wishing to forget about her feelings.
and simply..
pushing it behind her.
she wish not to let her days..
pass her by like that.
making her life more meaningful maybe.
by creating more blissful memories maybe.
would be better.
she wants that bliss again..
she really wants.

Sweet Memory...
she misses so.

blurgirl.